Anita, one of my good friends, was very sad today and called me late night. When she started telling how bad and guilty she felt, when her spouse labelled her with that word, she could not stop her tears. She is totally loaded with household duties, office work and demanding children. She says, "I go into extreme temper every hour, every single day. He criticizes me often for he thinks I am not bringing them[kids] up well. he even corrects me in front of kids, stating that I am going into extreme ends of Shouting and Pampering episodes and thereby spoiling the kids. I am an 'incapable mom' it seems.'
Being a mom of two daughters, an active toddler and a highly demanding 7 yr old, she is overwhelmed. Adding to that she has the best diplomatic critic as her spouse. In India, still in most of the families, husbands have all powers to judge and correct her wife. Yes, they feel she needs to be corrected and customized for his family cultures and values. She is not an answer paper to be corrected. She is the angel of the family, The Shakthi. Many men fail to understand this and start labeling her as 'Incapable', 'Emotionally Weak', and so on.
Like Anita, if all women start feeling guilty, then how we can keep our energies high and keep the Shakthi in us alive. As a friend and a mom of two, this is what I advise her. "1. Don't take what ever your husband says as a great Mantra and playback in your mind screen often. None is perfect, including him, Everyone needs time. 2. You are into the most challenging phase of your life, dealing with a Toddler and a Naughty Kid, that too, with out any domestic help. So, take time in the daily routine for yourself and relax. 3. Finally, reg., kids, you have to... Increase your Tolerance. Nothing else really works with them..."
Do you think, this is all enough for surviving the critics at home and managing the 'Incredible Super babies'? All the kids are not 'Elsa' and 'Elena.' They are Incredible and incorrigible. Is parenting, a bliss for everyone?
